This blurry, out-of-focus picture is me in May 2010.
It had been about 6 months since I took the plunge to becoming natural.
I’ll never forget how it all started and, in this article, I’m going to share how I stumbled my way to starting my natural hair journey.
Bridezillas and Big Chops
Back in 2009, Bridezillas was my favorite TV show. I never missed an episode.
I remember cackling with glee at all of the foolishness and struggle that I happily consumed every week.
I just couldn’t look away from the train wrecks.
But one day, that train wreck show led me to a revelation that I didn’t expect.
At that time though, my hair was its own little train wreck.
I moved from New York (where I’m from) to Texas and my hair began to revolt.
For most of my life, I’d worn weaves and chemically relaxed my hair.
Like so many of us, I got the messaging pretty early in life that my hair was something to be ‘tamed’ and/or hidden away because it was undesirable or unruly.
I got my first weave when I was 14 and never looked back.
For almost two decades after that, I barely even saw what my real hair looked like.
I went to the hairdresser religiously to make sure my natural coils were tucked away nice and safe…foreva (in my Cardi B voice).
All seemed to be going well for a good little minute… until I got to Texas.
It didn’t take long for that Texas oven-style heat to really show me who was boss.
I tried my hardest to keep up with the weave, but after about a year, I had had it.
Plus, I was going through some financial hiccups from the move and just didn’t have it in me to keep those $200 hairdresser appointments going.
(I know. $200? That’s all?? It was 2010, y’all)
I also started to notice something funky with my leave-out.
Back then, you did leave-outs to blend your hair with the weave.
Wigs were around, but they didn’t look ANYTHING like what we have now.
I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing a wig in 2010 because they mostly looked like this:
Okay. Maybe I’m exaggerating a lil bit.
But they were ugly!
So, weave with leave-out it was.
For the longest while, my hair cooperated (for the most part), but something happened when I moved to Texas that completely threw all of that out the window.
I started noticing that my hair was dry and breaking. A lot.
It got to the point where I didn’t have enough hair to cover my tracks or to blend the weave with.
And I only needed a little bit.
I made matters worse by assuming that I just didn’t apply enough chemical relaxer, or leave it on long enough, to get it straight.
So I applied more and more. Every. two. weeks.
I’m amazed that I had any hair left.
But after doing that for about a month and a half, I had to do something else.
I realized that my little piece of hair was damaged beyond repair and I was honestly so stressed and tired, I didn’t want to deal with chemicals or weaves at all.
It was December 17, 2009 when I stumbled across my first introduction to natural hair.
I was watching a Bridezilla’s episode when I saw something that caught my eye.
One of the guests of this particular bride was rocking her natural hair.
And I thought it looked good.
She didn’t have the typical curls, flat-ironed and pressed to oblivion, cascading down her back.
Rather, what she had was a simple natural style that was neat, short, and cute.
And I liked it.
That was the first time that I saw afro-textured hair in a way that I didn’t immediately associate with the ’70s or didn’t have a texture that only something in a box could achieve.
I immediately started searching the interwebs that night and found an interview with Titi (RIP) and Miko Branch, founders of the Miss Jessie’s natural hair care line.
In the article, they talked about what it meant to go natural and I discovered their products for the first time.
I remember feeling like I had stumbled upon the answer to my prayers.
Before that article, the thought of not relaxing my hair never even entered my mind.
A whole new world of possibilities opened up for me and I was ready to start on my journey.
So, I took out the weave and cut off all of the damage.
The very next day, I made my way to the local hair supply and bought me some Miss Jessie’s.
From Creamy Crack To Product Junkie
When I began my natural hair journey, I knew nothing about hair care or anything about hair for that matter.
All I knew was that the right products would transform my dry, brittle naps into long, luxurious coils.
I knew nothing about porosity, or texture, or moisture retention.
I just slapped on some product and hoped for the best.
I started with Miss Jessie’s but, after a month or so, discovered YouTube and this changed the entire game.
I watched hair vloggers like KimmayTube, African Export, Kinky Tresses and Rustic Beauty share their own natural hair tips and tricks.
I consumed their content like a Christian reads a bible.
And I tried every single product that I was introduced to, hoping that the next one would be the magic potion.
I can probably count the number of product lines I DIDN’T try faster than I could the ones that I did.
Everything from Oyin Handmade (OG ‘fo ‘sho), Hair Rules, Cantu, Shea Moisture. You name it and I’ve probably tried it.
I never got the results I was looking for and my hair didn’t get any better.
I had no idea that the real problem was the hard Texas water leaving mineral deposits on my hair, making it dry and resistant to moisturizing.
I had no idea about clarifying or chelating shampoos to remove hard water residue from my hair.
I knew nothing about porosity or how it affects your hair’s ability to retain moisture.
And I certainly knew nothing about texture, and how to style my hair to complement that texture, versus just trying to imitate someone else’s hair that was nothing like mine.
So, I became a product junkie with lots and lots of half-empty bottles and jars lining up all over my bathroom like little fallen soldiers.
It took me years to learn about hair and, specifically, my hair.
Hundreds of YouTube videos, articles, blog posts, books, seminars, classes and conventions later, I am just now feeling like I understand it all.
Fighting Through The Messaging
I would be lying though my orthodontically-straightened teeth if I told you that embracing my natural hair was easy.
When you have been conditioned to believe a thing your entire life, by literally everything around you, it’s not going to be an easy task to defeat.
I have 4c hair.
Dry, sandy brown, hard-to-moisturize, slow-to-grow, forvever-snapping-off- whenever it can, 4c hair.
It has taken the patience of Job for me to learn to love my hair.
And I still struggle with it on a regular basis.
I struggle with accepting that my hair may never grow to waist length like other naturalistas.
I struggle with accepting that, although I may look in the mirror and love what I see, others may not feel the same.
I struggle with feeling less than because I don’t have thick, bouncy, springy coils that beg you to touch just by looking at them.
And I struggle with the obvious disrespect that I’ve sometimes experienced when I’m rocking my natural ‘fro.
Still, I rise.
And you can too.
You see, it’s more than just hair. It’s learning to love yourself. Your true, authentic self, no matter what.
I am getting older and I’m changing.
You are getting older and changing. Every day.
Your face will change. Your body will change. And there isn’t anything you can do to stop it (besides hitting the eternal snooze button or spending thousands on plastic surgery. Even then, no doctor can stop Father Time).
And, with these changes, I have to accept them and love myself each day.
Love it or hate it, you will have to make peace with the inevitable changes that will occur.
From my own experience, embracing my natural hair is preparing me well for this task.
In studying all the little zig and zags, twists and coils, I’ve learned a lesson in true self-acceptance long before the first wrinkle or gray hair appears.
In learning to accept that my coils are simply not going to (insert 3 A, B, or C hair type thing here), I’ve developed new ways of thinking and creativity to still make my hair look good and be healthy.
A Healthy Lifestyle Journey
One of the other things that fueled my desire to become natural was a new investment in living a healthy lifestyle.
Back in 2009, I really didn’t focus a whole lot on being healthy.
I loved Church’s butter-drenched corn on the cob and biscuits with honey.
I ate fast food a lot because I worked a lot and didn’t have time (or the energy) to cook my meals at home.
Aside from work, where I walked all day, I didn’t do a whole lot of exercise.
I took full advantage of the fact that I was young and healthy without any effort or intention on my part.
But, I’m in healthcare and I knew that that wouldn’t last forever.
I knew that whatever I did (or wasn’t doing) had a cumulative effect and would eventually save me from catastrophe later on in life, or wreak havoc.
Along the way, I just knew that slathering caustic chemicals on my head was just not going to have a good outcome at some point.
As a matter of fact, Boston University did a 25 year-long study on the effects of using lye-based relaxers and there is evidence to support that this may increase the risk of breast cancer in Black women by 30%!
I didn’t have this information at the time I decided to be natural, but I made an educated guess that applying these chemicals to my hair (and inadvertently, my scalp) was definitely not a healthy thing to do.
So I embraced a healthier lifestyle and became more intentional about what I was putting in my body, as well as on it, and it only made sense to nix the creamy crack for good.
Fast Forward
So where am I with my natural hair journey today?
I am still natural, after 14 years. I can’t believe it’s been that long (Cue the “time flies” cliche).
I’m still learning something new each and every day and I continue to search for information to get the most out of taking care of my curls.
Sometimes I protective style with wigs and weaves due to having a busy schedule or to simply to give my coils a break from all of the handsy manipulation.
I’ve even thought about locs ( I love how they look!) but haven’t yet decided if I want to do something so permanent.
Lately, I’ve been on this kick to see how long I can actually grow my hair.
Admittedly, I’ve had loooong periods of slacking when it came to maintaining a health hair regimen.
Y’all, sometimes, I’m just downright lazy and don’t want to (insert healthy hair practices here).
I’m hoping to do much better and have started to see some gains since switching up my routine.
I’ll definitely keep you guys posted on the progress.
It’s a process
The takeaway is that your natural hair journey is a process.
It really is going to take time, and effort, to see the hair gains that you want.
If you view your natural hair journey as only a part of your overall health journey, it makes caring for your coils seem more meaningful and worthwhile.
How did you start your natural hair journey? What has embracing your natural coils taught you along the way?
I would love to know! Leave a comment below.
Until next time.
Your favorite Kurlie Gurlie,
